Marriage Preparation

For more years than I care to admit, my wife, Kathleen, and I have helped out two to three times per year in presenting a "Pre-Cana" program for our locality.  We work with a wonderful group of people, including Father Joe, our parish pastor, (Malone Catholic Parishes), Suzanne and Angelo, Nick and Mary, Bryan and Monique, and Scott.  The Cana in Pre-Cana refers to the wedding to which Jesus was invited with his mother where he performed, what one student referred to as a "great parlour trick" of turning the water into wine and the request of his mother, Mary.  The Catholic Church, like most faith communities requires, (strongly suggests?), some sort of marriage preparation before tying the knot. 

Our pre-Cana is always busy.  This past Saturday we had 36 people going through the process.  My talk is challenging -- Finances.  But, every segment is challenging:  Sacramental Marriage, i.e., essentially, what is marriage; Communication; Sexuality; and Finances.  We get busy because the alternative is very daunting -- if you do not go to our Pre-Cana (one day--7hours long--with lunch!) you may be "married up" with a local couple who will mentor you (individual attention for the couple) over a series of weeks at their house or your house, or somewhere.  Well, if you're a young couple, that doesn't sound too appealing, because, after all, you already have an older couple telling you what you should do, (they are called parents), so why not get it done in a day!

There is, of course, the well-known admonishment to young couples:  Fifty-per cent of all marriages end in divorce.  But, Many Americans stay married and have long marriages. The median duration of American women’s first marriages in 2009 was 20.8 years? Even when American women remarry, the median duration of their second marriages in 2009 was 14.5 years.  So, there is a lot of hope.

If you met the young people, (and some middle-aged people), who were participating in the class you would have a lot of hope.   Over the twenty years or so that I have participated in this program, I have increasingly become more hopeful.   The biggest reason that I am more hopeful of weddings now than in the past is that women are, for the most part, more confident when they come into a marriage.  They are not as willing to put up with substance abuse or violence.  And, they are waiting longer before they get married, some delaying until their education is completed.  The other side of the coin is that men are becoming more aware of substance abuse and violence.  Moreover, men and women alike are looking at the stress and heartbreak that their own parents' divorce caused them as children and wish to avoid the same anguish in their own marriage.